Monthly Archives: October 2011

Heart to Heart

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It’s strange what might cause a healing widow to jump back to days of mourning, even years later. Today someone in Bible study said the words “asking my husband,” and that was all it took. I didn’t cry or let on, but my attention left the Exodus study and riveted back on Nate and his absence. I won’t be able to ask him anything again, no matter what.

Two weeks from now our family will mark the second anniversary of Nate’s death. This year has been much better than last, and we’ve all made great progress in learning how to handle his being gone. Today, though, I needed to revisit 2009.

Back at home, I went to the basement and retrieved my two year old wall calendar on which we wrote the details of Nate’s cancer and its forced experiences. The October 18 square, a Sunday, is packed with writing: Mom and Dad’s #68 anniversary (if they’d been living); Nelson to TN, moving out of 168; no church today; sermon CD at home; Casey’s birthday (a friend who once lived with us); family photo.

That last one brought a powerful memory. Nate was about to finish up 14 radiation treatments, and as we’d met with doctors during those weeks, we’d learned he didn’t have as long as we first thought. Although we’d only known about his cancer for 26 days by Oct. 18, we became aware his time was growing short. Little did we know he had only 16 days left.

But our family was together, including three unborn grandbabies, and we decided to take a group picture. Although Nate was in great pain, he smiled unendingly while we posed and posed some more. Those were, as I recall, his last broad grins.

Tonight while working at the computer, I had a hard time focusing on anything but Nate and thought a beach sunset might help, despite overcast skies. Since the dogs love to chase the car home (wonderful exercise), I decided to drive.

As I opened the car door, there on the driver’s seat was a magnificent gift left anonymously by someone who’d been the Lord’s messenger to a pensive widow: a giant, heart-shaped potato!

It was as if God said, “I know you’re missing Nate today, and I want you to know I’m very close by, loving you.” I was astounded by this tender touch.

Maybe someday I’ll learn who my benevolent stranger was. Meanwhile, I send a cyber-thank-you to whoever you are, for all the world to see!

And how good to know that while God was taking care of me, he was also watching you as you delivered your unusual, timely gift. It was just what I needed. Thank you!

“It is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” (Psalm 73:28)

The Power of Love

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Last night Jack, his cousin-dog Sydney, and I were out walking under twinkling stars. The wind was fierce, but the sky clear and the moon bright, coaxing me to put my flashlight away.

When we got to the corner where we had to decide to walk toward the beach or turn away from it, both dogs ran a bit toward, as if to say, “Please?” Although it was after midnight, I gave in, and we headed for the sound of roaring waves. They raced up the hill ahead of me, anticipating happy dances and creek cocktails.

When I got there, they were well into their playtime, romping in the dune grass and rolling down the hills. Crashing waves were iridescent in the moonlight, and the wind was gale-force. I put my hood up to shield my eyes from blowing sand, but it didn’t do much good. In just a few minutes my teeth were gritty, and sand was up my nose. Our visit was brief.

Today the waves were still wild, despite calmer winds. In a massive body of water like Lake Michigan, it takes nearly 24 hours for the water to calm after the winds cease, and my mind wandered to the biblical story of another stormy lake. The Sea of Galilee was known for unexpected storms just like Lake Michigan, and tradition says the Jews shied away from it for that reason.

In the story, it was Jesus who suggested they climb in a boat and head out onto the lake to get away from the ever-present, ever-needy crowds. If the disciples worried about a sudden squall, they kept it to themselves. Jesus, exhausted from non-stop ministry, fell right to sleep in the boat.

Knowing how badly he needed rest, they let him sleep, but eventually the storm they feared blew up, and panic moved them to wake him. He commanded the wind and waves to quit, and afterwards probably resumed napping.

Today while standing at the shoreline, it occurred to me Jesus really performed two miracles that night: halting the wind, and leveling the water, which normally would take a day or so. Looking up the story at home, I noticed something else.

The disciples were afraid of the raging wind and swamping waves, but after Jesus eliminated both, they should have been comforted. But Scripture says they had moved from fearful to terrified. Of what?

Of Jesus! (Mark 4:41)

Though they’d watched him perform wonders before, this time they saw the immensity of his power and that he can use it however he wants. What restrains him from using that power to eliminate every problematic person, place or thing from this world?

Love.

Love for his disciples motivated him to use his power against the storm. Love for us motivates him to refrain from using his power against us.

It’s all about his love.

“One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: “Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love.” (Psalm 62:11-12a)

Star of the Show

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Young children soak up information like beach sand soaks up rain, taking it all in. And once in a while they come up with something that makes us scratch our heads and say, “Where did that come from?”

The other morning Skylar, my oldest grandchild (age 3) had come awake in her bedroom, so her daddy went in to greet her. He found her peeking through the blinds. “Daddy, it’s morning! I heard the sky putting the stars away.”

The mind of a child is a brilliant thing. But truth be told, our adult minds are astonishing, too. It’s just that our heads get so crowded with detail, creative thought often gets buried.

When God hears an original idea like Skylar’s, I imagine he smiles, pleased with what she said. She simplified a complicated concept and accepted it completely. Could we, too, please God with this kind of creative thinking? The biblical David tried, and succeeded:

  • Let the light of your face shine on us. (Ps. 4:6)
  • Keep me as the apple of your eye. (Ps. 17:8)
  • You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. (Ps. 18:28)
  • Extol him who rides on the clouds. (Ps. 68:4)
  • You turned my wailing into dancing. (Ps. 30:11)
  • I thirst for you… in a dry and parched land where there is no water. (Ps. 63:1)
  • Apart from you I have no good thing. (Ps. 16:2)
  • Were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. (Ps. 40:5)

All of us can think about God, the ultimate original, and come up with fresh things to say about/to him. He demonstrates for us with an example. He says he had no beginning and will have no end, yet he calls himself the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end. (Revelation 22:13)

What does he mean?

I think he took the difficult concept of “no beginning” and “no ending” and gave it imagery we could grasp. In a sense, he was doing what Skylar did, wrapping logic around an illogical idea. Children have no trouble accepting the illogical wonder of God and his world, as long as they can cloak the ideas in logic as she did. The sky putting stars away? It makes perfect sense.

If we find ourselves stymied about God and what he’s done or not done, it might be good to reduce the problem to a simple, everyday picture. Maybe then we’d be able to understand (and accept) the uncertain and puzzling parts of life.

It worked for David.

It works for Skylar.

And it’ll work for us, too.

“He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” (Psalm 147:4-5)