Pick Your Poison

Posted on September 5, 2011 by Margaret

In the news recently a mother from Alaska was put on trial for using hot sauce to discipline her son. She was found guilty of child abuse because she video taped the episode to get on a TV show entitled “Mommy Confessions.”

I haven’t watched the video and don’t have an opinion about her tactics but must confess that years ago I initiated several hot sauce episodes at our house, too. I was making a point about unacceptable language, trying to fit the punishment to the crime as Dr. Dobson had taught us. I did let the offender run to the bathroom immediately to spit and swish, but a drop of hot sauce was always effective toward improved speech and usually didn’t need to be repeated.

Last night we ordered Chinese food for dinner, expecting to serve 10 or so, and in the bottom of our boxful of food was an abundance of sauce packets: sweet, soy and hot. Holding up one of the yellow packets, I said to Nelson, “Do you recognize this hot sauce from your childhood?”

“Yeah,” he said, laughing. “But I love it now.”

His comment got us talking. Was the “yucky” childhood taste of hot sauce a precursor to developing a fondness for it later?

As we ended the conversation he said, “I wonder if you drank enough poison as a kid, you’d eventually get a taste for it.”

I thought of the first time someone tastes alcohol, a poison of sorts. It’s often bitter and unpleasant. But a young person who considers beer drinking to be sophisticated will keep trying, gradually gaining a liking for it. It may lead them into alcoholism, and in a sense Nelson’s question about getting a taste for poison has its answer.

The same principle, though, can work the other way, too. Developing a taste for something positive can start with forced bits that seem negative. Take, for example, prayer or reading the Bible. For new Christians, neither is easy. We wonder whether or not our prayers are getting through, and Scripture seems confusing. But we want to obey God, so we grit our teeth and keep trying.

One day we see a prayer answered or realize a biblical passage has touched our need, and we want more. We’re developing a taste for something that was distasteful in the beginning. Eventually prayer and Scripture can become addictions of the highest sort.

Of course it’s important to put the right things in front of our children, but the same is true for us. It’s probably a good idea to be cautious about new experiences, knowing small tastes can grow into demanding addictions.

I’m not sure what will happen to the newsworthy hot-sauce-mom, but since I’ve made a true confession in this post, the authorities may come after me, too.

“Ships, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder.” (James 3:4)

Common Sense

Posted on September 4, 2011 by Margaret

I can’t qualify as a fan of Dr. Phil, but both times I’ve heard him, he was fascinating. He’s got the ability to quickly analyze a handful of disjointed circumstances and pinpoint a problem with an accurate bottom line. His remedies land on the side of common sense, and they solve problems.

In dealing with the tensions of modern life, whether financial, relational or circumstantial, he recommends following a bit of advice his father gave him. “Spend 5% of your time deciding if you got a good or bad deal, and 95% of your time deciding what you’re going to do about it.”

I lost my husband and became a widow. As that heartbreak unfolded (and for months afterwards), I couldn’t think of anything else, dwelling on the disaster 95% of the time, analyzing the “bad deal.” As for any effort spent on what I was going to do about it, not even 5%.

Eventually, though, those percentages have to move in the other direction as Dr. Phil says, or heavy grieving can become a permanent place to live. I knew I didn’t want that.

Slowly but surely, because of God’s involvement, the balance began tipping in a healthy direction. It has helped to look for positives, and I don’t mean advantages to my husband’s death (because there are precious few). But because God pours good things into our lives every day, there are many blessings to be named.

Dr. Phil’s recommended 5%-95% ratio can be applied to any crisis we encounter. After a time of laser-focus on the problem, we need to shift our thinking toward solutions, setting aside the “if only’s” and coming up with a few “can do’s.”

My former pastor, Colin Smith, says that when we’re in the depths of despair, who we are and who God is intersect. “The depths is where our most holy moments occur,” he says, explaining how we gain an understanding of the profound when we’re bottomed out.

But how does God expect us to rise from those depths, to crawl from a 95% focus on the bad deal we’ve had to 95% on what we’re going to do about it? It’s because we’ve bumped into, or intersected with God. We’ve bonded with him at our lowest point, which is exactly where he empowers us to move away from it.

He wants us to reach for new beginnings. Something positive has ended, yes, but God is an unlimited resource for new starts that will lead to more good. We can’t see them yet, but we can make plans to move away from what we know to be sad toward what we know will be good, weighting the percentage toward what God-and-I-together are going to do about it.

And that’s just common sense.

“There is a time for everything… a time to tear and a time to mend.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7a)

Elusive Sleep

Posted on September 2, 2011 by Margaret

I was 50 years old before I knew about sleep machines. Manufacturers hope these little producers of white noise will enhance sleep for those who struggle to get there. The good ones offer to transform a stress-filled bedroom into the serene environment of an ocean shore, a running stream, a tropical forest or a summer night with crickets chirping.

I first learned the benefits of white noise as a young mother. My babies were never solid sleepers, unless they had nasal congestion. That’s because when we set a vaporizer in the nursery with its gentle whirring, they slept soundly… even when sick. We were onto something and vaporized year-round for a while, until the wallpaper began falling off.

When we learned there was a name for this noise and a machine to accomplish it (without dripping water), we realized other households were having sleep issues, too.

Most sleep machines make radical claims for the sleep-deprived. They promise rich, natural, drug-free rest that can boost energy and improve overall health.

But why is the world so sleep deprived in the first place? Since all of us have tossed and turned through long nights, we can list plenty of reasons:

Worrying too much
Struggling with pain
Thinking too hard
Fearing the future
Regretting the past
And a big ETC.

We crawl under the covers at night, relieved to finally be ending a stressful day, when suddenly the woes of the world seem propped next to the pillow, poking us relentlessly in an effort keep us awake.

Drug stores have racks of sleep aids, and pharmacies carry many more. Hospitals have sleep clinics in which they watch patients in dreamland, trying to figure out what puts them down and what pulls them up. The sleep industry is big business.

The biblical David was an emotional guy, describing in the Psalms his endless ups and downs (including the evasiveness of sleep). But in Psalm 4, after many sleepless nights, he figures out what to do when sleep won’t come and lets us in on the secret: “When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent… Trust in the Lord.” (4,5)

When we’re churning at night, for whatever reason, David suggests we say, “Lord, are you preventing sleep because you want to tell me something? If so, I’m listening.” And like David, we can silently wait for God’s response, paying careful attention to our next thoughts. We might even be thankful we’re awake to hear what he has to say.

During noisy days, it’s difficult to hear him. In a dark bedroom, even with a sleep machine running, we tend to hear much better. By morning, we may have accomplished something far more important than any over-full day can achieve.

Maybe if we listen carefully, we’ll hear him say, “Turn off the white noise now. No more hard-to-sleep, just sleeping-hard instead.”

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.” (Psalm 3:5)