Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

The Club

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Last year was a year of firsts for me, most of them calendar holidays without Nate. Those firsts ended as we passed the one year anniversary of his death in November of 2010. But other firsts have occurred, and tonight was one of them.

Bob and Linda Miller next door invited me to an evening with The Economics Club of Southwest Michigan. This is a members-only organization that meets to hear well-known speakers half-a-dozen times each year. In the club’s 68 years, it has featured:

  • Ted Koppel
  • Margaret Thatcher
  • Elizabeth Dole
  • Cal Ripkin
  • President Bush 1
  • President Bush 2
  • Mary Tyler Moore
  • Barbara Walters
  • Sarah Palin
  • John Glenn
  • Tony Blair
  • Colin Powell
  • Julie Andrews
  • Peyton Manning
  • Gerald Ford
  • Barbara Bush
  • Laura Bush
  • Garrison Keillor
  • Bob Woodward
  • Bill Clinton
  • Bob Newhart
  • Tom Brokaw
  • Condoleezza Rice

Somebody in The Economic Club must have clout in order to garner such an impressive roster of guests, and there are hundreds more.

As we arrived tonight, there was a police presence, and Bob mentioned that some of the speakers have had security right on stage with them. Tonight we were treated to an evening with Gordon Brown, former Prime Minister of England.

As I watched this celebrity answer questions, I wondered about the man behind the deep voice and easy banter. Yes, he’d been a prime minister with global political power, but who was he really, beneath the black suit and silk tie?

When I got home I “googled” him. Although no one mentioned it tonight, today was the one year anniversary of his stepping down from his powerful position as PM. Surely that was on his mind.

I also learned he was married for the first time at 49 and that his first child, a daughter named Jennifer, died ten days after she was born, of a brain hemorrhage. Although two boys quickly followed, one was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis while still a pre-schooler.

Learning of Gordon Brown’s recent tumultuous decade made me long to sit across a small table from him and get beneath his politics to hear his heart. I also wondered how many other Economics Club speakers had dealt with severe disappointment, failure and sadness. Probably all of them.

Life is messy, and our character is strengthened and then proven true through adversity. Does that mean our character is weak without it?

The Bible tells us to “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character.” * And in referring to Moses, Scripture says, “The Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character.” **

No matter where we stand on the character continuum, there’s always room for improvement. God is interested in seeing that happen and arranges multiple opportunities for us. Thankfully, his character is stable at the highest level. It never changes and never needs improvement.

Last week a previous Economic Club speaker gave us a peek into his character in an interview with TIME magazine. George Bush #1 was asked what advice he gave his son, George Bush #2, after he left the White House. #1 told #2, “Don’t forget it’s your job to take out the garbage now.”

“God desired to show the unchangeable character of his purpose… We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul.” (Hebrews 6:17,19)

 

*Romans 5:3,4     **Deuteronomy 8:2

The Upshot of Shots

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When newborns come into the world, they arrive with a clean slate which usually includes freedom from disease. We parents immediately jump in to keep it that way by yo-yo-ing back and forth to the pediatrician until our children virtually hate their doctor. That’s because every appointment includes a vaccination.

All 7 of our kids had the same pediatrician, a wise, gentle man we grew to love as a personal friend. When the kids would ask, “Am I having a shot today?”

He’d say, “No. Just a vaccination.”

Splitting medical hairs didn’t do much to cheer them, but by kindergarten, 99% of all needle-visits were over. The upshot of all their shots was freedom from the painful diseases former generations had to experience.

It’s been many decades since I had a vaccination. Well, until last week. Although I’ve never had a flu shot, the upcoming illnesses of old age are just ahead, and new vaccinations can prevent some of them. One virus I’d like to avoid is shingles, a painful skin rash that can hang on for months.

Even though doctors are promoting the vaccine for folks over 60, it’s not 100% effective. But a vaccinated person who does gets shingles won’t suffer the same intensity of pain.

Mom had shingles the year before she died, and nothing could soothe the fiery nerve pain on her neck and scalp. Shingles can even travel into ears and eyes, causing permanent damage. So last week, I decided to roll up my sleeve along with other shingles vaccinationees and get jabbed.

Too bad there’s not an inoculation for sorrow and heartache. We could all bop through life wearing big grins, and worries would be a thing of the past. No more middle-of-the-night anxieties or games of what-if. Happy thoughts would dominate, and contentment would be much easier to find.

The only problem would be our numbness. Being protected from the negatives would mean being deadened to the positives, too. If we couldn’t feel sadness, how could we feel happiness? Each human emotion needs its counterbalance.

On the day Nate died, all of us suffered raw pain. But would we rather not have had him at all? No, because that would have eliminated thousands of joy-filled days.

Thinking of this dilemma in a biblical way, if we were able to opt out of sorrow, we’d miss God’s special promises to the brokenhearted. If we didn’t experience affliction, we’d miss his deliverance. If we didn’t suffer guilt over sin, we’d never know the relief of forgiveness.

Even Jesus wasn’t inoculated against sorrow. If he hadn’t willingly been crushed for us, we wouldn’t now have access to spiritual healing.

So, if a vaccination against heartache did exist, we probably shouldn’t get in line for it. Just think of the counter-balancing blessings we’d have to miss.

Jesus said, “You may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

A “B Plan”

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Just outside the front windows of our Illinois house was a small tree covered with springtime blossoms. One April day we noticed a bird’s nest tucked in its branches, topped with a mama blue jay. So we began bird-watching from a nearby window, checking every day for babies.

Our cat Kennedy was also watching, and several times I saw her stretching tall from the back of the couch, peering out at the mother bird. She had no interest in eggs, though, only what was inside them.

Kennedy had been a rescued kitten given to Hans on his 12th birthday, picked up while wandering across Chicago’s Kennedy Expressway. She was puppylike-friendly but morphed into a hunter every night, insisting on being let out as the rest of us went to bed. In the morning she’d often arrive with a gift, a dead mouse, chipmunk or small bunny dangling from her mouth. None of us liked this part of Kennedy but knew it was nature’s way.

Through the window, we worried about the baby blue jays but hoped their protective mama would keep Kennedy at bay. I remember the day the eggs hatched. We kept the cat indoors while several of us perched at the window to watch, but suddenly there she was, at the tree.

Hans bolted out the front door to grab her, but it was too late. She was already in the branches fighting with the mother blue jay, who appeared to be winning. Hans raced to the garage and reappeared with a board, shouting and swinging at his beloved pet, desperate to force her down. But within seconds it was all over, and Kennedy had had her way.

All of us were devastated, and my heart went out to the mama bird. She’d been faithful to her task, then was robbed of her reward. Although we were mad at Kennedy, we couldn’t blame her for doing what God had taught her to do.

Sometimes people-lives parallel that of mama blue jay. We meet our responsibilities, work hard and do the right things, but disaster strikes anyway. Money is diligently saved, then lost in a recession. A parent pours heart and soul into raising a child, who then turns against her/him. Someone leads a healthy lifestyle but gets sick anyway. A business is built on moral principles but goes bankrupt.

We usually can’t explain these misfortunes and wonder why bad things happen to good people, especially if “God is good.” But that’s where faith comes in. Do we really believe he’s good, and good to us? If so, we have to trust that even “bad” stuff has “good” purposes.

After Kennedy destroyed the mama blue jay’s future, I stayed at the window watching her. What would she do now? She sat on the porch railing nearby, focused on the tree, squawking intensely for about 5 minutes. Then she flew off in search of Plan B and never returned.

It’s often excruciating to surrender our A Plans. But when we’re ready, God’s B Plan is ready, too.

“The righteous… do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly.” (Psalm 112:6-8)