Category Archives: Grandparenting

One Year Ago: Part II

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Thinking back to the significant events of a year ago with Nate’s cancer dominating him, I’ve been reading my own blog posts: Sept. 27, the shock of diagnosis; Sept. 28, last day at work; Sept. 29, first radiation treatment; and Sept. 30, a difficult treatment day.

I’m letting my mind think back to that time just until the 42 dates have passed. And then, I tell myself, I won’t do it again. My widow pals say, “Go ahead and spend time remembering. Experience it again. It’s the most dramatic time of your life and won’t be dismissed without acknowledging the pain.”

And so I’m there.

Although reading the blog this week and looking at my 2009 calendar has been an exercise in mourning accompanied by occasional weeping, for the most part it’s been manageable and has made me appreciate Nate more than ever. But today a dam broke.

I was cleaning house in preparation for the arrival of nine college friends, sweeping up swirling clouds of Jack’s dog hair. Trying to slide a living room chair aside, I felt resistance so reached underneath, pulling out a child’s puzzle, the kind with tiny knobs on each piece for little toddler fingers. I’d bought it for Skylar, and when she recently visited, we’d found the other puzzles but not that one, the newest one.

With a rush of emotion, I knew it had to have been shoved under the chair a year ago when all of us daily sat with Nate in the living room. That one realization zapped me like an electrical shock, and I started to sob. When the puzzle went under the chair, Nate was still alive. Instantly I was swamped with overpowering longing to go back to this date a year ago; memories and blog reports weren’t good enough. I wanted to go back for real, to have Nate with me again.

Finding the puzzle produced a wrenching moment of impossibility without any remedy, and I could hardly stand it. The only thing to do was to pick up my broom and sweep… and sob.

In several more minutes the floor was clean and the crying was over. But then I thought of all the different reasons people cry, all the tough situations life brings. The variety is endless, and tears eventually come to all of us. No one is exempt from the feeling of “wrenching impossibility.”

As difficult as it was to experience that today, my gut instinct tells me it was a few moments of healing. I believe God orchestrates these blips on our emotional screens to distance ourselves from the heartbreaks in our history and bring us to a better reality absent of wrenching impossibility. This doesn’t mean new heartbreak won’t come. But somehow knowing we’ve made it through one disaster will help us get through another.

Before I put the puzzle away, I stared at it for a minute. I wanted to picture my grandchildren playing with it rather than the circle of sad family members in the living room last fall. And with the cheery mental picture of those little ones, I knew I could move forward.

At least for now.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

Grandchild Enthusiasm

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When I pulled up to Chicago’s Midway Airport arrival curb today, I felt like an excited child arriving at Great America. Orange-vested security police shook their batons in my direction shouting, “Keep moving!” but I ignored them to scan the sidewalk for four familiar faces.

Finally seeing them gave me permission to stop the car and jump out to greet Linnea and family from Florida. I raced up to Skylar and Micah, strapped into a double stroller, anxious to get my hands on my grandbabies. Because I’ve overdone past greetings, I approached with caution. I didn’t want to see a bottom lip come out with that look of “Mommy! Help!”

But all of a sudden, for the first time, Skylar reached for me and squirmed to escape from the stroller. “Grandma Midgee!” she shouted, with her arms up. What a treat it was to lift up my oldest grandchild and get those grandma-hugs and kisses!

Oftentimes little ones need a warm-up period after lengthy separations. After every farewell, Linnea has said, “I think she’ll remember everything next time.” But when you’re not even two yet, several months of separation can amount to half a lifetime. My grandma-thrills have been many in the last 25 months, but today’s recognition was the best.

Although Micah looked at me favorably, I could tell there was no “click”. After all, he’s only seven months. But Skylar and I picked up right where we left off. “Grandma Midgee! We can go to the beach! And wear our babing suits! And where’s Jack? He’s waiting for me at Grandma Midgee’s house! And look at all the busses!”

One of the greatest things about Skylar is that she’s an exclamation-point-child. Everything is spoken at high decibel and with great gusto. When Linnea pleads, “Skylar, not so loud, please…” Skylar responds obediently. “OK, MOMMY!” with an exclamation point!

An old proverb says, “Grandparents and grandchildren are God’s gift to each other.” I know my five grandbabies are indeed gifts beyond measuring, and I do hope they’ll grow up knowing how much I love them. I want to be a grandma who looks into their eyes when they talk and always has time to listen. Tonight Skylar said, “Grandma Midgee! I have a good idea!”

We couldn’t wait to hear it. “ ‘Scuse me!” she said. “I’m moving this chair!” And right after she rammed it into the footboard of my bed, she took a flying leap and landed on the puffy blanket, laughing in exclamation points. Louisa and I laughed too and followed her lead onto the blanket. She was right. It was a good idea!

God could have populated the world by growing children on trees or dropping them through clouds. Instead he sends them to families through generations. Fortunate are the parents who live to be grandparents and even great-grandparents. As Skylar would say, “God had a good idea!”

Today at the airport I was so engrossed in grabbing Skylar I nearly forgot to greet my own daughter. When she finally put her arm around me and sweetly said, “Hi, Mom,” I sheepishly grinned. “Oh honey, yes, I’m glad to see you, too!”

…with an exclamation point!

“Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” (Matthew 18:5)

Family Updates, Part II: Grandchildren

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Our family patriarch died of cancer on November 3, 2009. Within six months God had increased our ranks by bringing three new grandchildren to us. Nate and I have five grandbabies altogether, and I believe he knows more about each of them than I have yet learned.

A few years ago, when I was in my early sixties, I’d complained to more than a few friends that I was getting old without any grandchildren. Everyone I knew seemed to be “ahead of me” having the time of their lives with their little ones. Nate encouraged me by saying, “Don’t worry. When they come, it’ll probably be in a litter.” To my great joy, that’s what happened.

Skylar Grace – This sparkly little ball of fire was born in July of 2008, a miracle of God who came to be after doctors insisted a child would be impossible. She banished tears and brought laughter, and calls me Grandma Midgee. Because she’s been an early talker, we now converse over the phone like two regular people rather than an adult to a baby. In September she’s coming from Florida to visit, and I can’t wait!

Nicholas Carl – This little guy, born in January of 2009, already has dual citizenship in both the United States and the United Kingdom. His father took a British bride, and we are all wondering if Nicholas will have an accent like his daddy or his mummy. He arrived with a compliant personality and has been going with the flow ever since, giving his parents no trouble and learning life’s lessons with optimism and a smile.

Micah Nathan – Round as a butterball, Micah came to us three months after Nate died, in February of this year. He bears his grandfather’s name and will hear stories of who this man was, knowing him at least in this way. Watching a lively older sister is Micah’s favorite pastime, although mealtime runs a close second. I was hoping for at least one redhead, and Micah’s head-fuzz is hinting toward that end.

Evelyn Sarah – This little one, the female half of a double surprise blessing, arrived four months ago. The petite one of the pair, she makes few demands and finds security in the presence of her twin brother. They still sleep in the same crib, and when one wakes during the night, the other wakes, too, sharing meal time with mummy as a threesome.

Thomas Nathan – Since the name Thomas means twin, this little guy is aptly named. The fact that he’s a second baby-Nathan is double-joy to me and I hope one day to him. Thomas arrived weighing a pound more than Evelyn and has kept the weight-lead since then, growing tall well ahead of his petite sister. Several of us will be visiting the twins and Nicholas in October, refreshing relationships that span an ocean.

In Scripture, Job experienced losses in every life category including ten family deaths in one day. Ravaged with grief, he turned toward God and said, “The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.” In our case, although our losses were not as catastrophic as Job’s, we say the same thing, only in reverse: “The Lord has taken away (Nate’s life), and the Lord has given us what we have (three new lives).”

Five little ones in 21 months? Now, that’s a litter! Job’s bottom line is ours, too: “Praise the name of the Lord!”

“ ‘The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!’ In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” (Job 1:21b-22)