In our ladies Bible study we’re looking at the biblical Job and his response to massive losses. A couple of weeks ago our leader asked, “What’s the worst loss you can imagine in your life? What one thing do you fear the most?”

She passed out 3×5 cards and asked us to write it down. I thought about Job’s losses, wondering which one caused him the most anguish. It had to be the death of his 10 children. Scripture describes his deep love for them, his concern for their souls, his consistency in offering sacrifices on their behalf.

By the end of the book, Job’s health and possessions were restored. He was twice as wealthy, except in one category: his family.

Yes, he fathered 10 more children, but what about the first 10? No one child can take the place of another. I wonder if Job ever quit mourning those 10 losses.

With the 3×5 card in my lap, I tried to imagine how I’d feel if all seven of my kids died in an accident. Was this the one fear, the one loss to write down? As I thought about it, an even worse scenario came to mind. What if my children had to suffer intensely, and I couldn’t help them?

I wrote it on the card: “to see my children suffer.” Our leader then asked whether or not we could entrust God with what we’d written down.

Last night Birgitta and I, in talking about Christ and the crucifixion, thought maybe we should view the movie PASSION OF THE CHRIST. We’d seen it seven years ago when it came out, but not since. Both of us remembered the raw torture inflicted on an innocent Jesus as shown in the film. It had been difficult to watch. But we decided to do it as one small way to participate in the Lord’s suffering.

The two-hour plot detailed Jesus’ last 12 hours and was just as wrenching as we’d remembered. This time through, I also noticed the secondary storyline of his mother, Mary. Although Scripture doesn’t describe her emotions on that last day, it does tell us she was there, focusing on her son and grieving.

In the movie, as Mary watches Jesus suffer physical torture, she endures emotional torture. Of course there was no comparison between the intensity of the two, and we’ll never know the extent of Jesus’ pain as he bore the sins of the world. But on the sidelines, Mary’s mother-anguish looked much like the fear I’d written on my 3×5 card.

She’d always known something terrible was going to happen to her Spirit-conceived firstborn, since he was the God-son whose name meant “to save the people from their sins.” And yet she stood at the base of the cross looking up at this precious one in such terrible pain and bore her own pain with courage.

She entrusted it to God for his purposes, and I must do the same.

“Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene… Jesus saw his mother there…” (John 19:25,26)