Parent Weekend at the University of Iowa with Birgitta was meaningful and successful. When a family has seven children, one-on-one time with any of them is a treasure; one-on-one with the baby of the family is especially important, since she grew up in a crowd. The two of us had a good time, although together we missed Nate.
As we walked the brick streets of Iowa City on a balmy October evening, we talked about him. “He was gone before I decided to come to this school,” she said. “He never knew.”
“I think he does,” I said. “And if he knows, he’s very happy about it.”
Nate loved education and was energized by the process of helping a highschooler chose a college. He got excited about visiting schools and read all the literature they sent to prepare us. He liked studying course catalogs and especially liked learning the histories of each college.
Birgitta said, “If he’d been with us this weekend, he’d have been educating us about this university, all the things he already knew that we didn’t.” True.
The two of us enjoyed sharing what we each thought he might have been saying as we passed different buildings and attended the different functions of the weekend. We agreed he would have spent time upstairs in the Old Capital building at the center of campus (now belonging to the university), studying the college archives and museum rooms.
Birgitta didn’t say it, but she could easily have been thinking, “As the youngest, I got gypped. The older ones had a dad until they were in their 30’s. I lost him at 19.”
But of course none of this was ours to orchestrate, not her position in the family or Nate’s passing away before she went to college. God has reasons for arranging these things as he did, and our role is simply to trust that he is wise, even if frustration results from how it all unfolds.
Birgitta and her father do have one university experience in common, though. When Nate was only 13, he began researching which college he would some day attend. During one of his high school summers, he looked seriously at the University of Iowa, where a summer school debate clinic was being offered. Because he was the captain of the debate team, he opted to attend. So he lived and studied at Birgitta’s school, walking the same brick streets and sitting in the same classrooms.
As Parent Weekend progressed, our conversation led to the what-ifs. What if Nate had never gotten cancer? With resignation, both of us acknowledged the difficult truth. Pushing through the many activities with a bad back would have been nearly impossible.
Even if he’d had no cancer, this weekend would surely have been a one-parent event. His desire to attend would have been strong, but excruciating pain is a last-choice travel companion. I don’t like being a single mom, especially after having had a partner at every other Parent Weekend. But the old adage, “receive what you’re given,” turned out to be a good guide for me. What was given was three days with my daughter celebrating her good choices, and conversations of gratitude for her father… who would have been extremely proud of her.
“A heart at peace gives life to the body.” (Proverbs 14:30a)
As I prayed for Birgitta just now, God reminded me that He is—and longs to be—our Father. I hope that thought will bring a bit of comfort to her.
The love for Christ you and Nate shared with your children is inspiring. May that love bring them—and you—the peace that only Christ can give.
Gitta, Papa would have been very excited about your decision to go to Iowa. We’re ALL proud of you and love you so much! Can’t wait to see you at Christmas.
Have wonderful years at the University of Iowa, Birgitta. I’m glad you could spend these past few days with your Mom.
I am a friend of Carolyn Thompson’s, who introduced me to your blog. I lost my Dad to cancer 8 years ago when I was 19. I remember wanting to hide in my dorm room on Parent’s day at college. I now often comfort myself with the idea that while I only had 19 years with him, I would not have traded that 19 year “package” for one of greater length with a different father. While this doesn’t make me miss him any less, it does help me to resist my inclination to envy others my age who still have their fathers around and remember how generous God truly was by giving me my Dad and continues to be in my life.