Predicting the Future

I feel like I’m living in a crystal ball and have the ability to predict the future. That’s because I’m thinking about last year at this time and know what happened next.

On this date, October 20, Nate was two weeks from his death on November 3. We all knew the situation was severe, but none of us knew the end would come so soon.

I’ve been reading last year’s blogs, and today we were signing Hospice papers, including the most emotional one, a living will. Our children demonstrated great strength that day when I was feeling weak, stepping forward to sign as witnesses beneath their father’s signature on the document. Could there be any more difficult task in the life of a child?

As I’ve been remembering, I’ve also looked at the giant wall calendar from 2009 on which we jotted notes about each day, kept track of Nate’s appointments and recorded the names of visitors. Surprisingly, in examining the negatives, several striking positives have emerged:

1. First of all, as we’ve read our words, new waves of appreciation for Nate have washed over all of us. That’s definitely a positive. Once someone is gone, all petty grievances disappear. It becomes easy to focus on the good, and all of us are wholeheartedly thankful for Nate, without the slightest reservation.

2. The second positive result of looking back has been a giant-sized gratitude toward God, who repeatedly pulled us out of a sea of sadness and set our feet on solid ground. When everything around us was stormy, the Lord kept us calm, and that included Nate. He showed his involvement daily and kept every scriptural promise. He didn’t stop the cancer, but he held us close throughout the ordeal, and does so still.

3. A third positive is becoming aware of the progress we’ve all made. Today we’re all veterans of grief. It’s hard work, it lasts a long time, and it involves plenty of tears. But during the past 12 months each of us has increased in our understanding of what it’s like to mourn someone we love. We’ve also learned that the process includes times of well-being and peace, side-by-side with the sorrow.

4. Because of our experience in losing Nate, all of us can commiserate with others who’ve lost their husband and father, which is positive number four. We can say, “I know how you feel” and mean it. We can offer a shoulder to cry on and experience genuine sympathy for a hurting friend.

5. A year ago, our days were packed with problems, losses and emergencies. We had no time to process what was going on or think too deeply about it. The demands of each day called for putting one foot in front of the other and getting through “just barely.” Now, though, as life has regained routine, we have the time to ponder what really happened, an important positive. Putting events into slow motion to absorb their full impact is helpful.

6. And one last positive is our stronger focus on eternity. Part of last year’s October 20th post was the detailing of a new strategy: we decided that day to start talking about heaven. I wrote, “The time has come to shine a spotlight on his brightest hope.”

It’s true none of us lives in a crystal ball, but because we know the Lord, we can accurately predict that our separation from Nate is only temporary. The future sees us together again in heaven, and focusing on that is positive indeed.

”I give [my sheep] eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” (John 10:28)

3 thoughts on “Predicting the Future

  1. As we have watched and prayed this past year, we have seen a testimony to God’s faithfulness as He has carried you and your family through a very difficult year. It has built our faith. And we sing…..

    Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
    There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
    Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
    As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

    Chorus:

    Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
    Morning by morning new mercies I see:
    All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
    Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

    Verse 2

    Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
    Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
    Join with all nature in manifold witness
    To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

    Verse 3

    Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
    Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
    Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
    Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

    Go Forth dearest Margaret.

  2. Your writing yesterday was truly of a ‘dream’ because if it was the real ‘heaven’ – Nate would have run to you – and you would have most certainly seen Jesus, too. The way that nate was calmm and did not respond – tells me that it was not heaven – but an earthly dream – because we believe that we will see each other and be seen – and enjoy each other’s company forever and ever. Nate will know you – but he will be there however long it takes for your life to play out – and for you to become whomever you are becoming – as the Margaret he helped you to journey to begin being. Life comes in chapters and you have turned the page in a multi volume book. Take heart – Nate will know you if our reading of the scriptures is true. We are proud of you and glad you are like you are. Thanks for accepting our words of guardian ad litem possibility because you seem cut out for that ministry.
    Greetings – and hugs. You’re a champion of expressing your feelings.

  3. October 20 was historic for anyone who knew the love you and nate shared and how faithfully you cared for each other and for each of the children who were lights in your eyes and lives.
    You are having normal feelings. You are having normal reactions to the dates this time of year. You are a beautiful lady of many graces. You have come through much and praise the Lord, you are aok – and looking ahead with faith.
    You did well. You did very well. You did all you could, Margaret.