Here in England, this grandma has been immersed in the brand new world of twin newborns. Although I had seven children, they all came as singletons. I longed for twins, fantasized about raising twins, loved thinking of coordinated twin names and dressed my close-in-age children in twin outfits. But never have I been in the twin-trenches until now.
Katy and Hans, parents of Evelyn and Thomas for all of three weeks, are handling the situation with aplomb. This is due partly to instinct and partly to the expertise of others, but the philosophy that’s working for them is to get both babies highly scheduled. The theory is that babies can be taught to remain awake and go to sleep according to set times, as long as the timetable is adhered to carefully during the first months of life.
Years ago I’d heard about scheduling newborns and had read a book called “My First 300 Babies” by Nanny Gladys W. Hendrick. She established rules like daily outdoor exposure for babies of at least an hour, including during the winter. She also advocated alone-time in their rooms for all children to learn to entertain themselves, whether newborn or older. Well defined sleep and awake times were part of the schedule, as was private time for mother, which was the part that motivated me to read the book.
Although I lifted several ideas from Gladys’ counsel, most of it didn’t work for me because I wasn’t willing to comply with one of her hard and fast rules: awake time. My motto was, “Never wake a sleeping baby.” She would have called that a slippery slope.
She was right. I paid a big price for not bringing some form of routine into mothering my infants. Because of my dread of night time and the unpredictability of our new babies, my stress during those first weeks grew daily, and the 20 pounds I put on after each pregnancy testified to the crisis-mode of those post-partum months.
Katy and Hans are extraordinary. They both studied a book they got during their pregnancy, “A contented House with Twins,” by Gina Ford and Alice Beer. When they arrived home with their two-day-old babies (and 15 month old Nicholas), they started immediately on Gina’s recommended timetable. They’ve found, in only three weeks time, that these tiny babies are beginning to “get it.”
Part of their regimen is to follow the rules, such as never going less than two or longer than three hours between feedings, putting them to bed by 7:00 pm, refusing to let them sleep more than five hours during the entire day and allowing them three feedings during their 12 hour night.
Katy and Hans have not allowed themselves to be put off by even the roughest parts of the schedule. As Katy puts it, “The hard bit it keeping them awake during the prescribed times.” And yet she does it.
I marvel at her determination during the day. If one of our little charges dozes off when he/she should be awake, baby gets patted, then head-stroked, and if still snoozing, the sleeper gets taken off. If that doesn’t work, the undershirt comes off, too. If still asleep, the little one’s face gets washed. By then he/she is crying, but awake. And all of that is why my weak efforts to schedule my own newborns always failed. I had refused to do the hard part.
Now, however, I see this system bearing fruit. Although there are setbacks, overall Thomas and Evelyn are gradually complying. It has meant clock-watching, record-keeping and high-decibel crying when awake-time is needed. But two invaluable treasures are emerging:
(1) Katy and Hans have three hours of quiet togetherness from 7:00 to 10:00 pm (with occasional exceptions, like last evening).
(2) During the night they’re up to change and feed babies for only two 45 minute periods.
So here I am, advanced in years, understanding that my mothering mantra to “never wake a sleeping baby” wasn’t a very good one. And most remarkably, I’m seeing how God gave brand new babies the ability to learn difficult concepts. Children truly are his miraculous creations.
”No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:10)
What brilliant parents and what gorgeous babies! From their contented looks, it would seem that the scheduling is agreeing with them – even if there are difficult moments.
Yes, schedule, schedule, schedule! It’s good to hear that Hans and Katy are being diligent during these early weeks. They will be so glad that they did it!! Several people also told me to never wake a sleeping baby, which made me question myself, but everything is different with multiples. Your new grandkids are adorable … I’m so glad that you can be there to see exactly what Hans and Katy are going through! Enjoy your visit!
Great photos! What gorgeous little babies! I can imagine it’s very important to have a schedule with twins. Hans and Katy are doing a wonderful job. Love to all of you from all of us!
This sounds exactly like the advice we followed when Sarah was born, only it was called “Growing Kids God’s Way.” I do remember the eat-wake-sleep pattern, though it’s been so long that I’ve forgotten the order! It’s certainly not perfect and there are horror stories because of absolute rigidity rather than common sense moving toward establishing the preponderance of pattern. But it is important to establish predictable routines for mom and dad and baby alike- we are wired that way anyways. Loving authority is also being hard wired in as the little ones figure out who is in control. They are totally cute and adorable, but also born little sinners just like the rest of us!! To discipline simply means to teach, and they are being taught how to get regulated physically, emotionally and relationally. It seems counterintuitive because we want what we want, even at three weeks old, yet it is that discipline that will ultimately build contentment.
As a teacher I am absolutely convinced of the necessity for that alone-time, and we did that incrementally first in the Pack and Play and then in her room building up to the hour. We initially only gave her one or two things to play with and rotated what those things were and then gradually expanded that. Foremost, I think it develops the ability to sustain concentration and attention. I do believe kids have ADD, but I don’t think they are born with it; I think it develops in those formative first two years when brain connections are still being made and is the result of over stimulation and lack of routine.
So keep it up Katy and Hans- it’s a lot of front loading energy, but the long term payoff is huge. The schedule, the alone time- great stuff.
One other thing, and I say so because I am a teacher- being a good reader does not ensure success or interest in school, but not being a good reader is a sure guarantee of lots of school frustration as it is the gateway to every subject. Almost from the get-go, Sarah and I had a nightly reading time before bed. It was the cardboard picture books with one item on each page for sure to start out, but it lasted all the way to the end of 8th grade, culminating in my all time favorite book… and movie 🙂 To Kill A Mockingbird. As she got older, I would read a sentence and then she would, back and forth, and then it moved to paragraphs back and forth. Three kids is certainly more of a challenge to get this done.
Anyways, the babies are adorable and I want to just encourage to keep pressing on in the good path already being trod.
Love,
Terry
i’m glad you made the flights… and the twins look beautiful!
Mmmm…love the photos of these beautiful babies. How your heart rejoices in the competence and tenacity of your adult children (in-law). We old mothers could have learned a thing or two! Hans looks like a natural holding Evelyn and Thomas, and Katy sounds like a wise and efficient mother. Loving blessings on all….
Somewhere between sad and grotesque
GOD BLESS YOU, HANS AND KATY….I so agree with everything you’re doing, your mom said, and Terry shared (ignore Eldridge)….the initial action is hard, but the end results are soooooo worth it!! such adorable babies !!
Grandma, give them as much loving as you possibly can while you’re there…the only way a baby has of communicating is their ‘spirit’…and the ‘spirit of the Lord’ is in them…they’ll remember your touch and the sound of your voice.
Blessings to you all.
Margaret, love, love, love the pictures! They are beautiful! Yes, I was old school, too.:) I hated waking a sleeping babe! Glad to know Hans and Katy have found a better way. I’m sure that with twins it is a must. Thomas and Evelyn are already learning to comply – hopefully a marvelous beginning to obedience.:) Praying at this end! Sue
P.S. Still waiting to see possible scheduling of Jennifer’s procedures before setting dates for June. The first procedure is Tuesday, May 18, 7:15 a.m. MDT. Is that five hrs behind you. You are probably on Greenwich Mean Time? Doesn’t matter; I know you’ll pray.:)
What a beautiful photograph; thrilled about the names, too.
Great verse! Becky too has had Hunter on a schedule since he was a newborn–it was amazing to me at the time, he slept through the night early and at 15 months he is delightful. Now they are following a plan for his discipline which is kind and very consistent. Nana must follow it also! Sometimes that is hard for me to do.:-) I love it when he wags his finger when something is a no-no. I do think they are happier with a schedule now that I see it in action. No wonder I was tired all the time and John felt abandoned! How smart this generation is. Hans looks so comfortable with the twins. Blessings to all.