A Happy Conundrum

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When Christmastime rolled around, all of Nate’s and my children were under my Michigan roof… except one. Hans and his British family were far away in England where they live, and we missed them dearly. With four thousand miles and an ocean between us, bridging the gap this year wasn’t possible.

My encouragement through the holidays was to know there was an empty seat on a plane to Great Britain waiting for me on January 17. Nicholas, age 3, and twins Evelyn and Thomas, 21 months, were looking for their Grandma MeeMee, and I was anxious to get reacquainted, since it’d been nearly a year since we’d been together.

Leaving Michigan on Tuesday and arriving in Manchester, England on Wednesday, I was concerned about the fatigue of jet lag, but that turned out to be wasted worry. This time there didn’t seem to be any, an astonishing surprise. (Thank you, Lord.)

Nicholas remembered his American grandma well, and the twins (who didn’t) had learned to walk and talk during our separation, all of which facilitated better communication.

Most delightful was listening to toddler British accents: “Oh dear!” was “Oh dee-ah!” and “No more” was “Nay moh.” Despite Hans’ strong American pronunciation, the 3 children speak distinctly British.

Katy has done a great job keeping American traditions alive with celebrations of the 4th of July and Thanksgiving, and I arrived to hand-made stars-and-stripes bunting strung in their living room. She’s also teaching them to enjoy Twizzlers, peanut butter and Nerds, distinctly American flavors, and they all visit the US as often as possible.

Sometimes when I’m in the States and they’re in England, it’s distressing to ponder the great distance between us, and it’s then I zero in on 4 things:

  1. Nate and I agreed we’d always let our kids manage their own adult lives, following their God-given dreams as thoroughly as possible without our objections, even if their choices weren’t ours.
  1. God leads in sometimes puzzling and surprising ways. He sees the long view of each life and puts the circumstances together accordingly.
  1. Watching my children lead satisfying, productive lives wherever they’re located is parentally pleasing.
  1. One day we’ll all live in the same town, the dwelling place of God, never to be separated again.

Katy and Hans are a perfect example of all 4 of these. They probably wouldn’t have met, except that God brought them from the UK and the US to New Zealand, where their participation in Youth With A Mission brought them together (God’s puzzling and surprising way).

Now, with a family, home, church and career, (satisfying, productive lives), they’ve followed their dreams (making their own choices) and also followed Jesus Christ (to his eventual eternal dwelling place).

And all of this brings delight to me, pleasure that negates even the inconvenience of a 4000-mile-wide ocean.

“All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.” (Isaiah 54:13)

Guilty?

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Yesterday I was back in an airport, looking forward to a visit with our son Hans and his family in north England. Arriving early, I bought a McDonalds salad, then settled in at my gate for lunch.

Most of the 200 chairs in the waiting area were empty since a crowd had just boarded, and the two women at the desk were closing up shop. Suddenly the ramp door burst open, and a 20-something guy rushed out, loping in my direction. I looked up, fork in hand, and watched him run past 10 rows of empty seats directly up to me, a security man trailing him.

Not sure what was happening, I took hold of my salad and got ready to jump. “You’re in my seat!” he said, panting with emotion. Surrounded by a room full of empty chairs, I found that hard to believe. “Are you sitting on it?” he said.

Thinking about Caesar dressing going all over my traveling clothes I said, “On what?”

“My phone!” he said. “Under you!”

By now the security guard had arrived and the young man, conflicted between the urgency to find his phone, his plane about to leave, and the security guy, bent down and began feeling around on the floor beneath me. I stood, trying to hang onto my salad, wondering if maybe he was right.

 

As the two women at the desk were on their way over, I was relieved to see I hadn’t been sitting on anything, but he was disappointed. “Oh never mind!” he said in frustration, pushing past the guard and the women toward his flight.

A minute later I watched his plane push back from the gate and wondered if he was looking at me through the window, thinking his phone was in my purse. The bottom line was that he’d accused me of something I didn’t do. Not that he had come right out and said it, but I’m sure he thought it.

The ultimate in being wrongly accused was Jesus. Labeled as a blasphemer against the one true God, his accusers couldn’t have been more off the mark. That same God was his beloved Father, the one sustaining him through life as a human. Jesus loved him intensely and obeyed his every command with perfection, all the way through to an undeserved death.

How must Jesus have felt to be wrongly accused of something contrary to everything he stood for and the essence of who he was? When the young man accused me of sitting on his phone, I wondered if maybe he was right. Jesus, though, never wondered about his innocence. Even after being arrested, accused and beaten, he was still sure of his innocence.

We humans are riddled with real reasons to feel guilty in many categories, yet when accused, we rush to defend ourselves, sometimes stretching what little truth is in us to make our point. Jesus knew he was blameless, responding to his accusers with the silence of certainty.

Of course none of us can be as untarnished as Jesus, but the more we make the difficult choices to reject sinful possibilities, the more we can enjoy the good feeling of guiltlessness, as well as finding it easier to tell the truth.

I am confident of one thing, though. If that young man calls his cell phone and someone answers, it won’t be me.

“No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.” (John 1:18)

SWAK

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Kisses are important to a marriage. The expression “sealed with a kiss” (SWAK) probably came from the tradition of a bride and groom sharing a kiss in front of witnesses at the conclusion of their wedding ceremony.

Some couples, exercising the ultimate in self-control, wait to kiss each other for the very first time after they’re officially declared husband and wife. I can’t even imagine the emotions running through both of them when they seal the deal with such potency, but surely it makes for a great start to a marriage.

Because kisses require face-to-face contact or at least head-to-head with cheek kisses, it’s difficult to kiss someone if anything negative hangs between you. That’s probably why Scripture encourages husbands and wives not to end the day, every day, without first clearing the air between them.

If couples follow this one rule, no grudge can last longer than a few hours, no argument grow out of proportion before being settled. And getting into the habit of sharing a goodnight kiss is an excellent step toward keeping short accounts with each other.

Ephesians 4:26 tells us not to end the day while we’re angry, especially with each other. When resentments fester, they make it difficult to rest well anyway. Kisses often melt away frosty feelings and make restoration more probable. But even more importantly, the next verse tells what will happen if we hold onto disagreements at bedtime: “Anger gives a foothold to the devil.” No sensible husband or wife would willingly pull Satan into their marriage that way.

Kisses can do all kinds of things for a relationship. Romans 16:16 tells us to greet each other with holy kisses, which elevates kissing to a spiritual level. Maybe each time we plant a sincerely loving kiss on someone, it’s a tiny act of holiness, a mini-deed with significance to God. I know it’s especially so between husbands and wives. Marriage is important to the Lord, as is loving behavior, and holiness is something he wants us all to strive for. Apparently kisses can improve all three.

When we widows said goodbye to our husbands, lots of kisses went away with them. But for those still fortunate enough to be married, may each day be SWAK!

“Rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss.”  (2 Corinthians 13:11-12)