Sanctuary Time

Posted on by

There are many troubled marriages these days, and America’s divorce rate of 50% tells that tale. But the same statistic also shows that 50% of marriages are pretty good.

Most people are over-worked physically and under-nourished emotionally. Marriages suffer in that environment, deprived of the quality time and attention needed to go the distance. Wives and husbands who are committed to making their love last have to work hard to find unpressured time together.

My marriage partner has been gone for 2 years, and for many months I’ve had trouble ending each day. I’ve stayed up past 3:00 or 4:00 AM repeatedly, reluctant to climb the stairs and go to bed. This seems extreme, and I’m not sure of the reason. The short answer is that I don’t like sleeping alone. But that isn’t completely true. Although having two in a bed brings security, comfort, and love, I think there’s something else bothering me.

Married couples who love each other have something special waiting for them at the end of each day. After going separate ways from dawn to dusk chasing different pursuits, they finally put their children to bed, set aside their worries, and meet behind closed doors. The bedroom becomes a type of sanctuary.

There they can talk and listen to each other, commiserate with the stresses of the day, laugh a little, maybe spend time reading side-by-side or share a bowl of popcorn on the bed. Late at night the phone doesn’t ring, the children don’t interrupt (usually), and revitalizing sleep is just around the corner. Both can take a deep breath followed by a long, feel-good sigh. The day is almost over.

And I think that’s my problem. My husband-wife sanctuary time is gone.

Nate’s last couple of years were dominated by back pain that demanded he lie down earlier and earlier, and I stayed up late to manage two high schoolers. But once we knew he had cancer, we immediately reestablished our sanctuary time. He still eased himself onto the bed early, but I climbed in then, too. Despite the house being full of people, Nate and I had those last precious moments of every day to ourselves before he would drift into sleep. And it was then we talked about the challenge at hand: terminal cancer.

But that wasn’t all. We also talked about our past lives, how we met, our marriage, the children, unnumbered blessings, unmet goals, God’s choices for us, and the “what-ifs” of the future, both his and mine. It was a painful time but was also laced with sweet declarations of love and some very potent promises.

I know my current struggle to climb the stairs and end each day will eventually mitigate. Meanwhile, as I put one foot in front of the other, I try to remind myself the Lord goes up the steps with me, offering his love and potent promises along with a willingness to be the other half of the last conversation of every day.

And when dawn arrives and I get to head down the steps again, he goes with me then, too.

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” (Psalm 145:13)

Leaning or Learning?

Posted on by

Today is Valentines Day, and although it was originally intended for couples, it’s come to represent love of all kinds. Because of that, those of us who aren’t part of a pair can participate also.

This week I’ve been thinking a great deal about someone precious to me, someone I love dearly, my sister Mary. We’ve all heard the expression, “You can’t out-give God.” I can say the same about her.

Mary is a giver. She never “arrives” anyplace without something special to give, a flower, a small package, a framed photo, cupcakes, or any number of other things. She’s creatively thoughtful and not just with material gifts. Her greatest giving is of effort: a willingness to sit with someone who’s hurting or to serve others by chauffeuring, making a meal, or running errands. That gift of effort also demands time, and Mary cheerfully gives big chunks of that to others, even if it means quietly setting aside her own agenda.

She’s my older sister (not by much), and ever since childhood I’ve followed her around, counting on her to have the good idea or take the lead. For example, when I was three and still sucking my thumb, my parents tried to solve the problem by pinning my pajama sleeves over my hands. Mary had a better idea and took off the pins. No wonder I wanted to stick with her.

Now that we’ve grown up, had 14 children between us, and lived separately for more than 50 years, you’d think I could maneuver through life without leaning on her, but no. I’m still calling for advice, still loving time with her, and still appreciating when she comes up with an efficient plan to reach goals… even my goals.

She’s forever organized, the kind of person who doesn’t lose track of her phone, her keys or what’s written on her calendar, and while I’m often caught scrambling, she brings calm to every storm. After decades of watching her give to others, I’m still hoping some of it will eventually rub off on me.

Mary is an excellent example of doing what God wants us all to do. He set the original standard, then sent Jesus to model what earthly servant-leadership should look like. Mary takes time to study the life of Jesus and learn from him what she’s supposed to do. But beyond that, she’s willing to actually do it. The result is a demonstration of what faith in God looks like on an everyday basis.

When we gravitate toward people like Mary, in the process we’re actually leaning toward the Lord, because godly people have become godly only by living close to him first. Their counsel is a reflection of him, and their actions mirror the behavior of Jesus. I didn’t deserve such a fine sister, but I sure am glad to have her… on Valentines Day and every day.

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” (Hebrews 13:7)

Due Dates

Posted on by

Today’s date, February 13, has been red-circled on my calendar for many months, because it’s our 6th grandbaby’s due date.

Of course Linnea is the key player in this big event, and the rest of us are taking our cue from her. She’s not counting on meeting the new baby today, based on the tardy arrivals of babies #1 and #2. But as with every labor and delivery since Eve gave birth to Cain, no one can be sure. Without the medical intervention of C-sections or inductions, due dates are merely ballpark figures. Even the most experienced obstetrician doesn’t have a clue what triggers labor.

Lots of other due dates chase us through life, too, sprinkled from birth to death, most with negative connotations. We have due dates for taxes, applications, bills, permits, assignments, and payments, each one dangling over us like a weight about to fall. Maybe that’s why a baby’s due date is special: it’s linked with great joy, and we’re eager for it to arrive.

God has a couple of other mysterious due dates, too: our death date, and the end of the age. Those three dates, birth, death, and Christ’s return, are secrets we’re not privy to, until God is ready to reveal them.

And that last one is especially critical, because no matter what birth and death dates we end up with, the day Jesus arrives on earth will be the only one of global import. When we meet him on that third date, whether sooner or later, the calendar number won’t matter as much as what we’ve done about him between dates one and two.

Meanwhile, God is patiently waiting for each of us to make preparations for that day. He wants us all to anticipate his coming with the same eagerness we feel in anticipating the birth of a baby. And God wants us all to be ready.

Linnea and Adam have done everything possible to prepare for their baby’s imminent arrival, whether it’s today or a week from today. Now it’s up to God. After all, he’s the one who holds the secret to the specific birth date.

And I have a feeling he’s going to let us in on that very soon.

“With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come…” (2 Peter 3:8-10a)