Still wrestling with questions about why God does things as he does, Nelson comes to a firm conclusion.

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September 3, 2022

Should I go down the trail trying to find out a good reason God would do or allow bad things to happen, so I can be happy that he is nice? I don’t do that, because I can’t lie to myself. God is God and that’s that. This is the way I settle it. He is the potter, and earth is his footstool, and he does what he wants here, with whoever he wants.

We are all born into sin, so there really is no such thing as an innocent person. After earth as we know it is over, there is bound to be some sort of judgment and the scales will be evened off. The best we can hope for is justice there, because it certainly doesn’t happen here, not in a way I can be satisfied with.

Life on earth is not the end of the story. Human life and God go on. If we live forever, and that’s probably true, then there is another chapter. Until then, the best we can do is love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love our neighbor as ourself. That’s our job.

God raises up the humble and brings low the proud. I do my job, and God does his. He raises up the humble, so it’s probably better if I’m found among the humble, not the proud.

7:20 pm.

We made it to Michigan without incident. The baby slept well on the way, Ralph drove the first half and me the second. We had dinner at Mom’s and came over to Drew and Jo’s, where we stay. It’s so nice here, and it’s hard to believe the lavish blessings God gives to us. This house is so nice it’s hard to believe we get to stay here. The living room is big enough to fly a model airplane in.

Thank you Lord for your generosity to us, for the family we have, for the place you gave us to live in Rochester and the nice Honda Pilot to get us here and back up there on Wednesday. Drew and Jo are so nice to let us stay here.

Everyone is so nice to us here. Ralph is in front of the tube watching college football. He doesn’t know what he’s watching [being from Germany], but just sitting at this giant TV in this giant living room is enough for us right now. Thank you Lord for your blessings big and small.

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“The Lord your God is in your midst…. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with his love.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

Some of Nelson’s journal entries are too lengthy to include in one blog post, since we like to stick with 500-600 words. Thus many are marked “Part 1, 2, or 3.” Today’s post is the first half of a two-day entry.

On this day, Nelson digs for the reasons why God stands back and allows things like accidents, murders…. and cancer to happen.

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 September 3, 2022

Today we leave Rochester for Sawyer to see if I can make it through a 5 day trip down there to see the family and show Annso’s parents that area and introduce them to some of the gang. I’m looking forward to it and hoping for the best.

I’m shocked it only shows that it takes 6.5 hours on Google Maps. I thought it would be more like 8. Good news, since we have little Will and that might be a challenge, depending on him. He’s been sleeping better after a bit of a regression to getting up 4 times during the night.

Babies are a challenge for sure, trying to love them and be nice to them, but keeping the walls up to keep your life from becoming a crazy circus where you’re up every hour of the day and night. I think when people try to use apologetics to defend God and make him out to be “nice” or that he doesn’t want people to suffer, they are going down the wrong path.

I have cancer. I can ask God, “Why did you give a 49 year old guy cancer—a guy who just had a little baby that you gave him? Cancer that might kill him inside of a couple years?” I can ask, “Why me? Why not him or her or him?”

God is good. He must have a reason. That’s true, but if you read the Bible, there are things that don’t have answers that satisfy human, politically correct-leaning ears, that want people sitting in church on Sunday morning at seeker friendly churches to be pleased with what they hear and to be happy.

Take this for example: “One of you will say to me: ‘Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?’ But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” (Romans 9:19-21)

Paul doesn’t defend God. He doesn’t act like God owes humanity a nice time or a fair shake. He simply says, “You have no ground to stand on, you who would question God. He does what he does, and your job is to deal with it.”

God is the potter and we are the clay. Simple as that. Not nice, not what I want, but simply the truth. I used to look for answers when I was younger, about God, but no pastor or book could answer other than just saying, “God is good.” And how unsatisfying is that for an answer, just a blanket statement defending anything God does.

tropical hurricane approaching the USA.Elements of this image are furnished by NASA.

God lets innocent people die horribly gruesome deaths at the hands of merciless tyrants without lifting a finger to help them. Probably so. Natural disasters like hurricanes wipe out thousands of innocent people. Did God do that? God allowed Job to get hammered. God allows me to get cancer.

(….to be continued tomorrow)

“The Lord of Hosts has planned, and who can frustrate it? As for his stretched-put hand, who can turn it back?” (Isaiah 14:27)

Nelson often begins his journaling with thoughts of frustration with “his sickness,” as he calls it. Then gradually God pulls his attention toward the needs of others, and before long he’s tapping out a gratitude list. And he usually feels much better after that.

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September 2, 2022

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.” (Romans 8:18-21)

Interesting bit here about suffering and the decay of creation, and it seems, the body. I was sitting on the porch yesterday, definitely frustrated by the decay of my body.

I feel a bit trapped in my body when it doesn’t function like it used to and feels like it’s operating at only 30% or so. Every day I’m sick in some way. My energy level is in the tank, and lots of other things are running on empty.

The scripture above is a bit “big picture,” which is good to keep in mind. Life here is short, even though it’s all we’ve ever known, making it seem long and really important. Paul tells us that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be coming later… Don’t even compare the two.

It seems like once we get to that point, we won’t even think about this body or the problems we had with it when we were here. Hard to believe or even understand, much less apply when all around us we basically worship our bodies and our lives here and now.

Older people and people with terminal illness like me seem to have an easier time getting “one foot in heaven,” because they have a logical reason to believe it’s coming sooner.

I’m holding onto the hope that God is going to heal me so I can spend time with the little family he gave me. I don’t want to leave them, and I don’t even want to stay with them in the shape I’m in now, all broken down and unable to help Annso with most things. She has to do 90% of the work, not to mention take care of me. It would be nice to do the same back to her.

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In different news, I sold my bike [motorcycle] to Everett out in Kona [Hawaii], and while it might be like Christmas day to him, and I’m sure he literally lays in bed thinking about that bike, I hope his father, my dear friend, signed off on him riding that thing.

Lord, I pray for safety for Everett on that thing. Please keep him safe somehow like you did for me all those years. You kept me from dying so many times on so many bikes, and I would ask you to do the same for that guy. I love him and want him to have tons of fun but not to get hurt.

Please help him not to overestimate himself or his ability to handle the weight and power. Please put a hedge of protection around him. Amen.

This makes me think of little Will. So much of a person is hard-wired in when they’re a kid. The rest comes into him from us parents and his peers. I pray you can help me raise him in the best way, so he’s not overly fearful.

I haven’t prayed that much for Will so far, but I pray that now, that you would give us wisdom as parents to know how to raise him well, to know what to make into a big deal and what’s no big deal and is for us to just overlook.

I’m so thankful you gave him to us and trust us to raise him up. I pray he would see us following you, Lord, as a good thing and desirable to him. Please give him wisdom in that way, to see spiritual things and to have insight into your word. I pray for him to also take life easy a little more than I did and not take it too seriously and over-think everything.

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“A wise son hears his father’s instructions.” (Proverbs 13:1)