It’s Labor Day weekend in Michigan where Nelson, Ann Sophie, Will, and Ann Sophie’s parents are hoping to get through the holiday without any need for an emergency room. But this possibility is always on Nelson’s mind.

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September 5, 2022

Been making the rounds up here in Michigan a little more. Had a nice conversation with Karl [a cousin] last night at Mom’s place. It was nice to talk with him like that. He has lots of questions about the cancer and told me he reads the blog, so he’s up to date. I’ve always liked him, but we’d just lost touch.

Today I sat at Mom’s kitchen table with a few of my siblings—Lars, Louisa, Britt, and Bates [Klaus]. So there were 5 of us, everyone minus Linni [in Florida] and Hans [in England].

 Now the 5 of us all live moderately local with Annso and I being the furthest away at 6.5 hours. It seems like everyone is moving back here.

Sixteen years ago this weekend, Labor Day 2006, I quit drinking. It’s amazing. I quit drinking for good. It was probably the hardest thing I went through that was voluntary. This Cancer is way harder, but no one is giving me a choice, whereas with drinking, I had a choice.

So many of these guys kept right on going and still are going, as far as I know, but each man is on his own. It’s between him and God, or him and himself. We each decide each day what we will do.

It’s been good being here, but even though it’s been 16 years since I changed everything and bailed on the party scene, it’s still hard sometimes.

Yesterday, I might have pushed myself a little too hard, because now at 6:00 am, I feel nauseous, which isn’t normal for me anymore. I’m always a little worried about regressing and needing a doc while I’m down here in Michigan and not getting the right kind of medical attention and having a major problem. I guess throwing up isn’t the end of the world, but it feels terrible to have this.

I’m on the bed while Annso feeds Will for his first wake of the night. She’s working so hard every day for and on him, and I can’t thank her enough. A Mom definitely has the most or the hardest work with raising a child. At least at our house she does.

She takes care of me too, which is a debt I’ll never probably be able to repay. We spent the day at the house, then the beach a little while, then came back here where we ate pizza with Mom, Emerald, Britt, Astrid, and Ralph. We ate here because we can put the Baby Boy to sleep and keep going with the night.

Tomorrow Drew and Jo will come back here to their own house, and we’ll have dinner together. They are so kind and generous to let us live here like this while they’re living in their tiny cabin in Bethany Beach [with their 5 kids].

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“Your faith…is more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire…” (1 Peter 1:7)

Today’s post has Nelson finishing up on yesterday’s entry with some harsh words.

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September 4, 2022, from yesterday:

Pride, rebellion, and unbelief. These are the sins of hell itself. These are the sins that say, “I deserve better from God than what I got.”

What do I deserve?

To continue:

I deserve hell on earth followed by hell in hell. I have received far better than I should get. God has given me way more than anything I deserve. “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:27)

Colin refers to Romans, the scripture I read yesterday about the clay speaking to the potter, questioning the purpose. Pride, rebellion, and unbelief. The children of Israel complaining about no water, wondering whether God is even among them. Grumbling begins.

If we are allowing discontent to set up shop in our own lives, we are becoming our own tormenters. I have found that I am a God-hater when I am discontent. Grumbling means you lose your discernment. Don’t trust a complainer. “When God wants to do an impossible task, he takes an impossible man, and he crushes him.” ~ Alan Redpath (right).

I have had the thought more than once that the cancer I have and being literally crushed by it is something allowed to come to me to save my soul or to literally keep me from slipping off the path of salvation. If that’s the case, I’m grateful for it. How can that be?

Well, I realize that doing ministry for a living is the best way to slip away from God and to be the only one who knows it. When you get cancer, it’s easy to ask God, “Why me?” and compare yourself to others you know, wondering why you got it and no one else did.

Lord, I pray for forgiveness for discontentment with what you have withheld. I don’t feel I even have control over it, but I want you help me get through it.

I have had the most amazing life and done some of the most amazing things a person can do, had the best opportunities (whether I have taken them or not), and been around some of the smartest people. I have no reason to be discontent or to grumble.

I pray you would help me in this area. I have so much. I am so grateful to you for being so kind and generous to me, for giving me Annso, for her parents who are such sweet believers and so nice to me, for this place, for the rain this morning, for being alone here and to have this time.

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“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed.” (Luke 12:15)

Vacationing in Michigan where many of Nelson’s family members live, he decided to skip church on this Sunday, knowing he would be pulled into lots of joyful conversations welcoming him—but knowing it would deplete his few physical resources.

He had church alone, listening to a sermon on contentment.

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September 4, 2022

We made it to Michigan without a problem yesterday. The [Honda] Pilot runs great and proves to be dependable with time. Thank you Lord for leading me to that car. I pray the triplex would prove to be the same, that you would have hidden blessings in that old place.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table at Drew and Jo’s place. They were generous enough to let us all stay here, as Mom’s place is pretty full. Everyone is moving to Michigan is seems.

The nights are long as I get up every 2 hours to pee and relieve my neck pain that increases the longer I stay still. It’s Sunday, and Annso and the gang will go to the Tabernacle here with Mom. It’s nice Annso wants to go back there. Bethany is a special place, and she understands that.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

 Patient in affliction. If he means “affliction” in general, I can apply this verse to my own time with Cancer. If he means only persecution because of the gospel, then not as much, but I’ll take it.

We are making our way in Rochester [MN], and it’s slow and hard. We seek God all the time though, which I want to make sure we keep doing. Lord, I pray for contentment with what we have, with our little life in Rochester. I’d rather be where you call me than a millionaire in any other place.

Later:

Contentment is something I felt was good to focus on this morning, being here at Drew’s place alone, while the others are at church. I don’t want to get mobbed and worn out too early.

The 4 part sermon series by Colin Smith seems like a good place to start. Funny, this was preached in 2016 before Covid, and he says that anger, frustration, and anxiety dominated life in the modern city life in Chicago, hence his choice for the topic of contentment. How much more relevant is that now today, than it was then?

Paul “learned” the secret of being content, meaning it didn’t come easy. Colin starts that sermon by knowing there is a need in my life—something wrong in my life—and it matters that I change it. He uses that as the topic for part 1.

Is this an area I need to change? If so, am I willing to work on changing it? And if so, how do I go about doing this? Peace, satisfaction and trust: The opposite of anger, frustration, and anxiety.

“See, the Lord is coming with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone, and to convict all of them of all the ungodly acts they have committed in their ungodliness, and of all the defiant words ungodly sinners have spoken against him.” These people are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.” (Jude 15&16)

“Grumblers and faultfinders.” These are the ones God is coming to judge and convict. They sin with their mouths. They are always frustrated and never satisfied. Pride, rebellion, and unbelief. These are the sins of hell itself. These are the sins that say, “I deserve better from God than what I got.”

What do I deserve?

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(…to be continued)

“Godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6)