Though Nelson is coping with increasing pain, he’s still hopeful that God “will end this sickness” at some point.

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September 9, 2022

“I will exalt you, Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit. Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:1-5)

Sitting at our little kitchen apartment table in Rochester this morning at 5:22 am. It’s one of my favorite times of the day, other than that little morning period with Annso. But on the other hand, my body hurts so bad it’s crazy.

I have such pain in my neck, chest, and a few other places if I move around. Headache. Just pain everywhere. They can’t quite figure it out. I don’t have any pain meds that work on it.

I thought Morphine was the Big Mac Daddy pain med that took care of everything, but I was wrong. I take a couple 30 mg pills a day and there’s really no effect on this, whatever this is. Advil works better, honestly. I thought about maybe going back to the Oxy family, because at the beginning of this whole thing, I was able to manage the pain much better with those.

Anyway, I found this verse today, and I love it. I have to believe that God is a part of this. I don’t know why he would do this to me or allow it to happen, if I’m supposed to learn a lesson or something, but I’m trying to just pray that he will have mercy and end it at some point.

Meeting with the doctors and trying to figure everything out works to some extent, but mostly not. God does it in the end. Lord, you have brought me out of the pit before, and you can do it again. You did it with drinking. I just celebrated 16 years sober, which is a miracle and a direct answer to prayer. I am so grateful to you, Lord.

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“Your faith is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.” (1 Peter 1:7)

Though the Michigan trip was meaningful, it was also difficult for Nelson, with his low energy from the cancer. By this day, it was good to be home again, in Minnesota.

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September 8, 2022

“Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.” (Psalm 28:6-7)

He sure did hear my cry… at many different times in life, and I’m so thankful to him for it. Even though my cries wavered back and forth, he still listened and came to my rescue.

Lord, I’m alive today only because you listened to me when I called. You listened and answered me many times. Here we are in the middle of this house-buying process, and it seems a little shaky, and it will really be you, Lord, if we get the financing.

There is no problem with the owner wanting to sell and sell it to us. The only problem is with the bank believing we can make the payments to pay them back. Our life is way too abnormal.

I pray we can have the “yes” on this house but that you would stop us if it’s something we should avoid. Even though we are all set and want it really bad, I pray you would help us to avoid disaster.

The owner seems like a nice guy, and it seems like you brought us to this house specifically, but I pray you would point out anything I don’t see or any other things we might be missing or stop us altogether unless this is a good deal for us. Thank you Lord that you are so faithful with that kind of stuff. We can’t possibly see everything, but you do. Amen.

We’re back up in Rochester from Michigan. It was nice to be there, but it’s nice to be back too. For me, all the people can get tiring. I’m sure if we lived there, it wouldn’t be so draining, but for the short term, it’s a bit much for me. We like our little apartment here, and it fits us.

We have my nice big fish tank, and now with all the winter gear we brought back from Mom’s place, we’re set for it to cool down. Although right now, it’s still in the 80’s. lol.

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“Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in him, and he will act.” (Psalm 37:5)

Today Nelson is thinking about his sobriety anniversary as well as all the good things that have happened as a result of not drinking anymore. He’s also wondering about people who seem to “walk on the wild side” without consequences.

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September 6, 2022

I’m still thinking about 16 years of sobriety today. I’m glad I’m not going back to do that again. Such a hard time, and it lasted for years. Lots of good, though, came out of it. I can count lots of things that never would have happened if I had carried on with it.

Even just the other day, Lars [brother] was trying to make a case for us moving to Michigan, and one of his reasons was family support. “You don’t know anyone up in Rochester.” Good point.

But the one thing he left out was our church. We moved to Rochester, found a “home church,” and Annso and I know people who already have offered to help us in lots of ways.

That’s one thing that happened almost instantly when I quit drinking. I joined AA and started going to BBC [Brentwood Baptist Church, in TN]. Both places proved to be bases for support that continue to produce friendships and help even now, all these years later.

Without sobriety, I would never have met Jeremy, Bill, Sunny, or countless others we know from BBC. When you drink, you isolate and don’t really meet people, at least I didn’t. I got back into YWAM in 2010, four years sober, which wouldn’t have happened while drinking. Those 2 things can’t coexist really.

So many things happened in YWAM between 2010-2022. I went around the world twice, went through the Bible 5 times in Montana, landed back in Kona for 7 years leading Kokua Crew and other stuff, pastored a little church, and met Annso, who changed my life forever.

We had Will just this year [now 5 months old], and without sobriety, probably most of those things would never have happened. I’m so grateful for everything.

Not that life gets easier.

Here I am, and I sometimes struggle with envying people who have seemingly consequence-free lives, partying, having a good time, and carrying on with the old ways. And I have stage 4 lung cancer. It’s tempting to think, why doesn’t anything happen to them?

The reality is that I’ve gotten way more than I’ve ever lost for being obedient to God. Once in a while I can think that God is paying me back for the sins of the old days. It seems possible from verses like this. “Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.” (Psalm 25:7) Interesting prayer.

God could apparently remember and judge a man for the sins of his youth. Lord, I also pray then, that you wouldn’t remember the sins of my youth but will forgive me according to your love. I pray you would heal this cancer instead of letting it kill me. I know lots of people who say this sickness will not end in death, and for that I’m so grateful.

Ralph just walked in. The in-laws are with us for the moment. I know there will be a big void once they leave, but we have a while left until that happens. They are the nicest people ever. Our two families are nothing like each other, and it’s weird to try and merge them together. It reveals things about our families.

I see how different Will would turn out if he’s brought up here in Michigan vs. Rochester. I don’t really know what to do about that.

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Lord, I pray you would help us when buying this house, not to overlook anything in the way of taxes or other legalities. I pray for the ability to rely on you, Lord, to increase, and not to rely on cutting corners, but at the same time, if you give us a gift, to accept it without reservation and to enjoy what you give.

I am grateful for the miracle and the generosity of people we know and how great it is to have a down payment for this house. It seems like it will almost certainly go through. I pray for Susan’s heart and that you would help her to sign the new lease I dropped off. I pray for a quick, smooth closing with minimal surprises.

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“God’s love has been poured into our hearts.” (Romans 5:5)