Yearly Archives: 2012

Complete Dependency

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Little Emerald is almost 5 weeks old. She’s gained nearly 3 pounds, which is quite a bit, since she left the hospital weighing only 7 pounds 9 ounces. We’re loving her double chin and dimpled hands, and Birgitta is doing a beautiful job nursing her.

Emerald’s eyes have learned to focus intently now, unlike in the beginning when they would freely cross while looking at nothing in particular. These days, her favorite thing to look at is her mommy’s face. She studies Birgitta’s features as she’s feeding, memorizing every detail with a gaze of complete adoration and feelings of absolute dependency. And when Emerald can’t readily see that face, she’ll crane her neck to do so. Her mother’s presence equates to complete security in Emerald’s mind, and she spends most of her wake-time searching for her and wanting to be close to her.

If Birgitta chose not to feed Emerald when she was hungry, she would gradually lose weight. If she didn’t change her, bathe her, keep her warm, and speak lovingly to her, Emerald would fail to thrive, eventually becoming sick, and finally dying. And yet this little one knows nothing of these dangers, trusting her every need will be met by her mother.

We might say Emerald is blissfully ignorant of life’s many hazards, which positions her perfectly to abandon herself to someone else’s care. And if we carry that image into the spiritual realm, God our Father wants us to have the identical relationship with him, focusing away from life’s hazards and abandoning ourselves to his choices for our lives.

Why is this so difficult? Why do we clutch onto our self-made plans rather than surrendering to the One who can do all things? That’s about as crazy as Emerald trying to dress herself or wash her own hair. It’s probably because we’re well aware of life’s dangers. Giving God the reins (which includes standing back so he can work) is a daily trust-tussle inside our heads.

Surely it’s not because we doubt his capabilities. Nor can it be a question of his wisdom. And none of us distrust the magnitude of his love. It’s just too hard to give ourselves over.

We’d never say out loud that we know better than he does, but our actions often say it. As a result, we’re consumed with worry, we’re loaded with stress, we nurture our fears, and we forfeit hours of sleep trying to manipulate circumstances and people. God looks down at this turbulence and says, “So unnecessary. But if you insist, the consequences will be all yours.”

Precious Emerald sets a ready example for those of us living with her. When she has a need, she cries for her mommy-provider and doesn’t try to solve problems on her own. She’s secure in Birgitta’s arms, gazing at her face, and when she sleeps, it’s the deep, nothing-can-wake-me-up sleep of a trusting soul.

With determination of will, we can be the same way with God.

“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (Psalm 4:8)

Where the Action Is

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All of us who grew up in Sunday school have our favorite Bible stories. Since I’ve always loved the beach, especially on wavy days, one of mine is about Jesus (and Peter) walking on water. Which of us, as children, didn’t try it ourselves? Maybe that’s what made us want to be friends with Jesus. Anybody who could do that kind of thing would be a great friend to have!

I’ve read that story hundreds of times but the other day saw two “new” things. The narrative tells us that the 12 disciples were obeying Jesus when they all got in a boat at night and pushed off into the Sea of Galilee without him. He’d just fed the 5000 and needed some alone-time with his Father. Glad to see them go, he quickly found a “desolate” spot to pray.

But after a while, ever mindful of these 12 men, he looked out over the water and saw them struggling to navigate the 6 miles from one coast to the other. The Bible says this occurred a little after 3:00 am, when the disciples were about half way there.

Rowing into head winds, they weren’t making much progress as waves washed over them and into their boat. Jesus terminated his prayer time and headed out to calm things down. Did he instantly go from land to mid-sea? Did he walk up and down on the waves as if they were sand dunes? Did he move through them without getting wet? Scripture doesn’t say.

But the fact that was “new” to me about Jesus walking on the water was what Mark wrote: “Jesus came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them.” (6:48)

He meant to pass by them? Really? That’s what it says.

Why would that be? Was he planning to circle their boat? Or maybe calm the waves on his way past? Or get ahead of them to urge them toward him? Or maybe pull the boat to shore?

We’re given no answers to any of these questions, but there’s more. John wrote the other something that was “new” to me. After Jesus finally climbed into the boat John says, “Immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.” (6:21)

Immediately?

As I read through the story, it occurred to me there was a fairly long list of miracles that occurred that night.

  • Jesus arriving on the stormy scene suddenly.
  • Then his walking on wild water.
  • Peter walking on water.
  • Jesus calming the waves and winds.
  • Instantaneous transport of the boat and its passengers to the opposite shore.
  • Earlier that day the feeding of 5000+ people from practically nothing.
  • And as they miraculously arrived on shore, they saw him heal scores of people who simply touched his hemline.

It seems that Jesus was continually the centerpiece of miracles and wonders, day and night, no matter where he went. Reading the accounts in Scripture is always stimulating, despite ending up with more questions than answers, but there’s one thing I know for sure. Wherever Jesus was, that’s where the action was.

And it’s still true today.

“Jesus said to them, ‘It is I; do not be afraid.’” (John 6:20)

Slammed Doors

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Today’s date will always be important to me. It would have been Nate’s and my wedding anniversary, #43. Though we can’t celebrate the same way we did on this date for 4 decades, my heart is still celebrating that God brought Nate and I together in the first place.

By 9:00 am my thoughtful children began checking in with me, wondering if I was in need of comfort. Although I’ve been wearing Nate’s wedding ring on a necklace today, I can honestly say I haven’t been sad. “Grateful” is more accurate, because yesterday God showed me something special about my marriage to Nate.

Last night my women’s Bible study group met for the last session in a 10 week study called “Believing God.” Throughout the weeks we’ve been learning there’s a vast difference between believing in God and believing God. We’ve memorized 5 practical statements of faith:

  1. God is who he says he is.
  2. God can do what he says he can do.
  3. I am who God says I am.
  4. I can do all things through Christ.
  5. God’s Word is alive and active in me.

Each week we’ve stood and recited these 5 important facts at the beginning of our discussion group, and after 10 weeks, we can easily say them from memory. Personally, I hope I never forget them.

Our last homework week asked us to plot our lives on a timeline, placing large dots along the line to mark significant events. The goal was to note how God showed up again and again in our lives at important junctures and that he was there all along, even during the rough patches.

As I studied my completed timeline, God pointed out something new. His presence in my life hasn’t been just to open doors for me but also to slam them shut. As my finger traveled along the pencil marks, I suddenly realized how many catastrophes he’d saved me from by his closed doors, that they were equally as important as the ones he opened.

At the time, though, I suffered, sometimes crying out to God through tears, “How could you?!” One example was the break-up of a dating relationship with a non-believer that I dearly wanted to keep. But if that door had stayed open, I would have walked through it, eliminating the possibility of marrying Nate. And Nate was God’s choice of husband for me.

And so, as November 29th passes by one more time, I’m not sad. As I finger Nate’s wedding band, my only thought is gratitude. And I hope I’ve learned that when God closes doors in front of me, even the ones I really want to walk through, it’s only his way of marking my timeline with a great big blessing.

“Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path.” (Psalm 27:11)