Yearly Archives: 2012

In Secret

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All of us have had experience with Secret Santa gifts. Maybe it was in elementary school or Girl Scouts or even in an office setting, but we’re familiar with the inexpensive gift-giving done anonymously to someone assigned to us.

Keeping secrets is always fun, at Christmas or any time. Last week, for example, I received something that was given in secret. While Birgitta, Emerald, and I were away from home, someone came to our door and left an envelope on the front mat.

I didn’t recognize the writing, and when I opened it, I expected to see a “from who.” Instead of a signature there was a lavish gift card and a short message: “Go get some donuts, diapers or dog treats – whatever you need. Wishing you God Speed. Your friend.” Tucked inside was a gift card for $100!

Birgitta and I studied the handwriting, trying to determine if we’d seen it before. Was it a woman’s writing? A man’s? Was it a young person? Someone older? I began asking around, but no one would claim responsibility. I wish I could say thanks, but anonymous gift-givers usually aren’t looking for that.

Giving gifts in secret is practically a lost art these days. When wealthy people donate to an institution, they’re happy to have a building named after them. When philanthropic organizations give, they make sure the source and its purpose is announced publically. When I give a present, I hope the recipient will feel my love behind the choice of gift, so I sign my name. And when I put something in the church offering, the envelope I use has my name on it.

It’s reasonable to want credit for our gifts. Giving anonymously is done only with careful intention, and very few do it. But when Jesus said, “It’s more blessed to give than receive,” he meant it for non-credited givers as well as those hoping for credit. Maybe those whose gifts are given in secret somehow enjoy their giving even more than the rest of us.

What kind of person gives anonymously? Maybe it’s someone who simply loves keeping secrets. Or it might be a person who doesn’t want a relationship to be tipped one way or another by the size or type of gift. It’s also possible the anonymous giver just wants to be sure the gift can’t be given back, in case the receiver considers it too generous.

God is all for secretive giving. Using an interesting metaphor, he says in Scripture that we shouldn’t even let one of our hands know what the other is giving. The Bible also says that if no credit is sought on earth, the giver will be credited in heaven. (And if I know God at all, it’ll probably significantly magnified.)

So, dear anonymous friend, thank you for your very generous gift. God watched you leave it at my house and is personally planning something very special for you!

“When you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will himself reward you openly.” (Matthew 6:3-4)

Following a Plan-Maker

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My mother was, as they used to say, full of the dickens. She had enough energy for 4 people and injected fun into every day. Dad was her polar opposite, serious and steady, comfortable with quietness and content to come home after work and stay there.

But Mom was a plan-maker. I remember Dad arriving home after a stressful day of managing 250 engineers/architects, ready to relax with his newspaper, when Mom would say, “Carl, don’t take off your tie. We’re going out.”

Dad would wince, but in the end he’d comply. I felt sorry for him on evenings like that, but then one day he said, “If I hadn’t married your ma, I would have been a hermit.” Her conviviality was part of the reason he chose her, and part of why he loved her.

Despite having sympathized with Dad, though, I ended up doing the same thing with Nate. I look back in pictures and see him doing my bidding, still in his suit and tie after work: blowing up balloons for a party, moving furniture, or managing bath time hair washings. Near the holidays he’d be licking stamps for Christmas envelopes, packing Easter baskets, or carving pumpkins.

Just like Dad, he may have secretly winced when I announced my plans, but later the photos would bring a smile, and he’d remember those episodes as positive and charming.

All of us know the Lord regularly makes plans for us. When he lets us know what they are, do we wince and say, “You know, I’m really worn out and want to do my own thing for now.”

Or might we say, “You’ve got a good idea there, God, and I’ll definitely get on board. Someday.”

Or, “Actually, your plans don’t make the best use of my natural gifts, so please find someone else to do it.”

Or, “Don’t you remember, Lord? I tried that once before. It didn’t work then, so I won’t do it now.” Our excuses for not obliging can get quite creative.

What’s really happening, though, is that our God is letting us in on his highest and best for us, detailing plans that will lead to more plans, that will lead to supernatural conclusions. If we step around his groundwork tasks because it’s a hassle or inconvenience, we’re setting aside far more than just what he wants us to do right then.

Rejecting his plans for us is analogous to “dissing” him, which is slang for dismissing or disrespecting him, a far more serious matter than just opting out. It’s a telltale sign of a heart not truly committed to him.

What made Dad and/or Nate go along with the plans of Mom and me, even when it was difficult for them?

Love. Dad loved Mom. Nate loved me. And when love acts, the result is always more love, which is God’s plan exactly.

“God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” (1 John 4:16)

Three Years Ago

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Rather than write a blog about the 3rd anniversary of Nate’s death (Nov. 3), I’ve decided to post the email I sent to my children yesterday.

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Hi, Everyone…

As the 3rd anniversary of Papa’s death arrives again, I’m wondering how you all are doing and would love to hear from you. I know some of you are deeply affected by this date and others may not have even realized what day it was. And that shows how differently we’ve all dealt with (and continue to deal with) our grief. There is no right or wrong way, no assigned finish date.

Each night when I go to sleep I wonder if maybe I might dream about Papa and have a “visit” with him. But there have been only 3 occasions in 3 years when that’s happened, and dream-visits always have to end with the harsh realization that he’s far, far away. He’s completely inaccessible to me, to all of us, and sometimes that still hurts badly.

His absence has increased my longing for heaven and our reunion there. I remember Grandpa Johnson once saying, at the funeral of another good friend of his, “Well, my friends are pretty much gone now.” He outlived all of them, dying at 92, and was well aware that life as he knew it was “narrowing.” More and more of the people he loved had already taken up residence in heaven, and he knew he would go soon, too. But being sure of his salvation, he had a calm, peaceful acceptance of God’s choice of timing.

That timing is sort of mysterious, and often we’ve got lots of questions that never get answers, especially about disease and dying. We get impatient to know the “why’s” but of course God doesn’t owe us any answers. My morning devotional book (by Spurgeon) has a good entry for November 3. Part of it, which I read each year, says: “The Lord will keep his appointments. He never is before his time; he never is behind.” Our instructions are to cooperate with God’s timing on every level, which sometimes includes the deaths of those we love. I don’t know why Papa had to die when he did, but I do know he died on the exact day God had planned for it to happen, for reasons he hasn’t shared with us.

As for me, I’m following the instructions of Isaiah 26:3, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on Thee.”  This verse is hanging on our sunroom wall as a good reminder of how to get through stuff. It’s a plaster plaque that came from Grandpa and Grandma’s house.

God has blessed the Nyman family exponentially, both before and after Papa’s death, and according to Scripture, his good gifts will continue. There’s no greater blessing than new life (which includes new life in Christ), and just think of it: 5 new family members born to us in these last 3 years. God has absolutely showered us with goodness!

(BTW, I believe Papa is in on all of it, with a perspective that’s far superior to ours.)

So today we’re remembering, and we all miss him a lot. I have to say I love him more now than I ever did.

Lotsa love to all of you, too!
Mom/Marni/Grandma Midgee/MeeMee

“My soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 62:5-6)