Yearly Archives: 2010

Was it best?

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Tonight is New Year’s Eve, and in a few minutes 2010 will tick its way into 2011. Horns will blow, cheers will ring out and kisses will be planted. In our temporarily-busy home, the little people are asleep, the older ones are out having fun, and I’ll be in a quiet place enjoying a one-on-one with the Lord. 

Recently Nelson and I chatted about favorite places, specifically comparing life in Michigan vs. Illinois. Both of us were born and raised in the Chicago metropolitan area, familiar with the suburbs and all they offer. Living now in a small town fairly far from everything has been a radical change. Nate and I moved to our summer cottage three months before learning of his fatal cancer, and six weeks after that, he was gone. We were barely unpacked.

The question everyone asked then was, “Will you be moving back to Illinois?” Actually it was more like a statement: “Surely you’ll be moving back.”

I answered in the negative, determined to pursue the plan Nate and I had designed from the start. But was it the best choice?

Since we moved, I sorely miss lifelong friendships, deep relationships begun in the 1970’s as we started raising families together. All of these women are 110 miles from me now, my sister included. I also miss women-friends who have a passion for prayer. Four women and I spent thousands of hours praying together over two decades, growing close through our shared love of spending time in God’s throne room.

And then there’s the church, actually two churches, the one I grew up in and the one we attended for the last 20 years. I miss the pastors and their preaching, the Sunday morning music and many fine friends.

I miss my neighbors and the deep camaraderie we developed as mothers raising our children who became fast friends. Between all of us and the windows in our homes, we could let the kids roam the neighborhood even as toddlers, and still keep an eye on them.

There are other losses, too: familiar roads, stores, merchants, doctors, routines in all categories. With such a long list of “I-misses”, why would I want to stay in Michigan?

Two reasons: quietness and isolation.

Spending time alone isn’t always negative for a new widow or anyone attempting to sort through a host of changes. Actually, it’s necessary.

God often waits for us to isolate ourselves from life’s bustle before he speaks. He has ideas, plans and comfort ready for us but won’t be just one of many waiting in line for our attention. At the Michigan cottage I’ve been able to hear him clearly and depend on him completely. Would that have happened had I moved back to Chicago?

I’ll never know for sure, but it would have definitely been easier to hide from the work of grief while meeting the commitments of a full calendar. God put me in Michigan exactly when he intended I be here.

And when we know where God wants us, it’s a good idea to stay there…. especially on New Year’s Eve.

“I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.” (2 Timothy 1:12)

S’not what it seems.

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We should have bought stock in Kimberly-Clark. This week’s Kleenex use could have upped our dividends.

Sniffling, sneezing and snotting are the reasons for pink noses, chapped cheeks and lots of crying. Although we’re faithfully laundering dish rags and face cloths, our current disease is spreading.

Those of us over the age of accountability eagerly look forward to 8:00 pm each day when all the small fry are tucked into bed. That’s when we gather in front of the fireplace with our simple meals to have adult conversation. Ahhhh.

Tonight talk turned to Scripture and the voice of Jesus who challenged his disciples to “change and become like little children” if they wanted to enter the kingdom of heaven. These strong words were his response to their question of who would be highly ranked in heaven. Jesus elaborated (in a dozen verses) on how important it was to become like children, little ones, if they wanted to be saved.

What did he mean?

Today we watched five little children being childlike, which translated to making endless demands and crying incessantly. How do we jive this with what Jesus said?

In our discussion tonight, we concluded he must have meant we’re to have childlike faith in him. And all the sadness and crying of five sick little people is, surprisingly, a good example of this. Skylar, Nicholas, Micah, Evelyn and Thomas are all needy, completely helpless on their own. They can’t accomplish anything without the rest of us.

So they call to us to save them from their misery, acknowledging their need in the process. Jesus was saying, “Notice that. They have faith in you. They trust you. They’re completely dependent on you. That’s exactly where you ought to be in relation to Me.”

But there’s more to it than that:

  • Young children look to their parents as God-substitutes, the model standard of what’s right and wrong. If mothers and fathers are trustworthy, sons and daughters can more easily trust a heavenly father when the time comes for a faith of their own.
  • Our babies know we’ll do our best to help them in their health crises, because they believe we can and will. In the same way, we ought to have faith in God to help us through our troubles, being absolutely certain he can and will. Just as children take everything literally, the Lord wants us to believe in him that way, too, literally to trust him with our lives.
  • Jesus’ comments were not an attempt to elevate children but rather a challenge for his disciples to lower themselves to the humble state of young children (who had no rights in those days). In doing so, they’d become fit for his kingdom, even to becoming the greatest.
  • Our five ailing babies are surrounded by the true love of their parents and also the rest of us. When we help, they warm to our care. God’s heart beats even more passionately toward us, and he rushes to our aid with love beyond our understanding, hoping we’ll warm to his activity in our lives.

And on that note, I’d better check our Kleenex inventory.

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

Illness: Round Two

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If we don’t laugh, we’ll cry. Come to think of it, there’s plenty of crying going on already.

 

Skylar, 2½, came alongside me as I washed dishes yesterday afternoon and tugged on my jeans. “Grandma Midgee? I don’t know what I should do next.”

I looked down at her pleading face and empathized 100%. As our family experiences a second wave of sickness different than the vomiting of recent weeks, none of us knows what to do in any given moment. It’s a sure thing that if we begin something, it’ll be aborted by the need to help someone in distress. So between efforts to calm and comfort, we stand and stare, wondering what to do next.

This time it’s fevers, headaches, coughs and colds. Eight month old Thomas, unhappy and unhealthy, spent time with a pediatrician today in an effort to get help. Was it croup? Bronchitis? Pneumonia? Strep? What was causing him to scream every 40 minutes throughout the night?

We’ve dug out the bulb syringe to aspirate clogged nostrils and administered maximum doses of baby pain relievers. Teething pain compounds crankiness, and babies aren’t the only ones out of sorts. Parents who get no sleep are in their own world of pain, especially if they’re sick, too.

This afternoon, as Hans waited for Katy to nurse Thomas before leaving for the doctor, he poured a cup of coffee. Plopping into a chair, his head dropped in sleep immediately, and the steaming mug began to lean toward his lap. I stood to retrieve it when Katy arrived, and Hans jumped to his feet before he could get even two minutes of rest.

We talked about the prayer of every young parent pleading for a good night’s rest. Despite their petitions, very few get a “yes” from God. Why is this?

One reason could be the nature of hands-on care, often a bonding time between parents and children, although none of us would choose it around the clock. Another reason might be the opportunity to practice servanthood up-close-and-personal. A third could be the forced giving up of rights.

Although these are spiritually relevant rationales as to why God might set up parenthood in this way, such training can become overpowering. The phrase “end of his/her rope” has come up several times at our house today.

And yet these four parents are passionate about helping their crying children. Being sleep-deprived doesn’t lessen their fervency to do right by them, which must be God’s gift, given even while he’s developing sacrificial character within them. I’m thankful they all recognize their children as created by God and sent specifically to them for purposes of eternal value. They are serious about their parenting and will, I am confident, prevail.

Little Thomas won the pediatrician’s heart today with his smiles, even as his eyes watered, his coughing was non-stop and he struggled to breathe. His illness turns out to be a virus that must run its course, but an injection has already helped him with breathing and nursing.

But as Thomas fell into the first solid sleep he’s had in days, his parents nearly giddy with delight, his twin Evelyn began to cough, clog and cry, the next virus victim. Linnea’s family is also under the weather, and all of us are wondering, who’s next?

As for Skylar, she thought of an answer to her question of what to do next. “Grandma Midgee, let’s go upstairs and have a dancing party in the hall!”

“I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!” (Matthew 25:40)

KAN-DO, Aftermath

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Every mission trip is a risk. Whether or not it qualifies as “successful” depends on each individual’s expectations.Our family mission trip to Greensburg, Kansas included 31 people and 31 different expectations, some high, some low.

When the initial idea for a Christmas service project began circulating among us via email, several responded resoundingly in the negative: “I’m flying home to spend Christmas… at home. My vote is not to go.”

Others were enthusiastic: “Great idea! Count me in!“

My personal prayers were for each of us to step closer to the Lord from wherever we currently stood as a result of the trip. In reality, we landed somewhere short of that but did, I believe, accomplish some valuable results.

Much of our construction work was done on a home being built to replace one lost in the storm. The new house, paid for by homeowner’s insurance, was going to be gorgeous with a room-sized entryway, a stone fireplace wall, an exposed staircase and a sizeable kitchen. Although this family wasn’t financially needy, emotionally they were starving.

The first day we worked at drywalling, taping and spackling, but several of our workers had sour attitudes. “These people don’t need us,” they said. “What are we doing here?”

But when the owners came to greet us and thank us for coming, the wife described their four minutes of terror as the monster tornado roared through town. She broke down and wept as she told of their fear for family members when they couldn’t bring everyone together. One of their children still hasn’t returned to Greensburg because she can’t shake nightmares about the tornado. Another was making plans to move away permanently.

Before we left at the end of the week, this same woman asked if we would all put our signatures on the concrete walls of her new basement storm shelter. During the next tornado (and there are many in Kansas), she knew they’d all be edgy, even protected by walls two feet thick. But, she said, “I’ll gain courage by rereading your names, remembering the love that prompted you to help us.”

Was it really love? For some it was, “I don’t want to go, but know I should, so I will.” Was there a positive result even for these?

Those of our children who’ve been on many mission trips say there’s always a mixed bag of results. One important benefit is being required to live in community with others around the clock. This includes a willingness to eat simply and occasionally not at all. It means sleeping on the floor, waiting for the bathroom and being patient to teach others how to do the work. All of this happened with excellence on our mission trip.

I also remember watching unusual conversational groups pop up as we worked on four teams. Mild competition injected laughter into the tasks, and evening get-togethers saw high school kids partnering with oldsters, and babies in the arms of non-baby people. Cousins with a decade of years between them talked and came to appreciate each other in new ways. Extended time with family and without access to cell phones or computers was unique in our history, a tremendous blessing.  All of these unexpected benefits are treasured still.

Would we ever do it again?

In a minute.

”Serve the Lord with gladness. Be thankful unto him, and bless his name.” (Psalm 100:2,4)